Many educators tend to put the needs of others before their own needs. That may seem like a good thing for people working with children, but it actually leads to poor outcomes for everyone. Setting boundaries at work can help administrators, teachers and support staff to be more effective and satisfied in their jobs.
Here’s what you need to know.
What exactly are boundaries and why do we need them?
Setting boundaries at work is not just about saying no to things we don’t want to do. It’s about clearly communicating our needs, how we expect to be treated, and what we are willing and able to do in the workplace.
Here’s how we can benefit from establishing appropriate boundaries at work:
- Boost self esteem, mental health, and physical health
- Protect our time and prevent burnout
- Improve relationships with superiors, coworkers, parents and students
- Enhance job performance and impact on the lives of our students
Signs you need to set boundaries
Not sure if you need stronger boundaries (at work and at home)? Consider these signs:
You rarely say no and end up overcommitting. Taking on too many tasks can lead to resentment on your part. Others may also end up resenting you if you promise more than you can deliver.
You’re always “on.” Because you take on too much (both at work and in your personal life), you end up with no downtime. That’s incredibly stressful. Over time, it impacts your body and your mind. Setting boundaries improves mental health and physical health.
Your own needs come last. Do you find yourself neglecting your physical needs (exercise, sleep, medical appointments) and emotional needs (relaxation, hobbies, social connection), all because you’re too busy helping others?
People often treat you disrespectfully. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. This is another stressful problem that you can improve by setting boundaries.
Here are 10 tips to help you get started.
10 tips for setting boundaries at work
1. Start with the right mindset
People who always put others first are sometimes proud of how much they do for others. But remember that boundaries are healthy and actually improve your ability to help others.
2. Define your limits
Take some time to think through exactly where you need to set work and personal boundaries:
- How much personal time are you willing to sacrifice for work responsibilities?
- What specific tasks are you unwilling to take on?
- What can you be flexible about?
- What can you delegate?
- What steps can you take to prioritize your own needs?
3. Pause before answering
When someone asks you to do something, don’t feel pressured to give an immediate answer. If you’re unsure, get into the habit of saying: “Let me think about that and get back to you.” That helps you avoid saying “yes” automatically and regretting it later.
4. Practice saying no
Rehearse a response that you can use when you need to decline. Remember, there’s no need to give explanations. Keep it simple and straightforward, such as: “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I can’t take that on right now.”
5. Offer what you can give
While you don’t want to give excuses for what you can’t do, it’s helpful to offer what you can do. For example, “I can’t take on heading up the debate team, but I can offer some coaching time to the students.”
6. Don’t take behavior personally
While it may seem that way sometimes, angry and demanding behavior is not usually meant to be a personal attack. More often it’s someone’s reaction to their situation. If you respond with anger, that only escalates things. Be calm and sympathetic, but also stand firm.
7. Relax your response time
Many of us have gotten into the habit of monitoring our phones constantly, and responding at all hours of the day and night (and during vacations) to work-related texts, emails, phone calls, and even social media posts. This greatly adds to our stress levels and impacts our sleep.
When it’s a parent emailing you every day, you may have to set reasonable expectations: “It’s fine to ask questions and let me know what’s going on with your son. I will respond in one email at the end of the week.”
Also, give your devices a rest. Especially in the late evening and during the night, put them on the charger in another room. (Learn how to create a family media plan.)
If you feel the need to keep tabs on a particular situation and want to get your response out of the way, try using a scheduling tool to send your reply in the morning. That way you’re not encouraging others to respond outside of work hours.
8. Address inappropriate behavior
When someone is emotionally triggered and frustrated, they may say and do hurtful things. Even if it’s the wrong moment to address it, don’t ignore it when someone treats you in an unacceptable way. Even (especially) students having a meltdown in class.
Allow them to calm down, but make sure they know that their behavior is inappropriate: “I need you to stop yelling and take a deep breath. Then you can ask for help more politely.” or “I understand that you’re upset, but that’s not the way we talk to each other in this class.”
9. Discuss non-negotiables
If someone is crossing a line repeatedly, sometimes an honest discussion is needed.
Years ago when I was a case manager, an advocate was brutal with her criticism and it was impacting our relationship. The director sat us down to discuss what was going on.
I told her, “The way you speak to me is disrespectful,” (and I pulled out specifics because I take notes on everything). “I have dedicated my life to this, I am committed to this student, and I do not deserve to be spoken to that way.”
The advocate paused and said, “To be totally frank with you, I have heard this before. And now I really need to think about it.”
We had a better relationship after that.
However, be prepared to end the conversation to enforce boundaries. For example, if a student continues to speak inappropriately, say: “I can see that you are not ready to discuss this, but when you’re ready to speak respectfully then we can have a conversation.”
10. Model what you expect from others
Treat others the way you expect to be treated, and also model the behaviors and practices you want others to adopt:
- Respect the boundaries of others
- Be aware of your own emotional reactions
- Find appropriate outlets to reduce your stress (such as meditation, exercise, or a hobby)
- When you have a problem with someone’s behavior, sit down and discuss the issue rationally
- Practice communicating respectfully and at the appropriate time
Setting boundaries at work is a win for our emotional and physical well being, and truly helps us provide the best possible support for students, families, and coworkers at school. And they may help to make the job more sustainable, especially at a time when so many professionals are leaving the field.
Download our quick reference sheet with tips to share with your colleagues.
